After the Sun Set
by PoodlesKitten
Summary: Gabrielle must find a way to deal with Xena's death and allow herself to grieve.


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Xena or Gabrielle (although I'd like to borrow Gabs for a while...). Please don't sue me for infringing any copyrights or being a bad writer or anything...  
  
This story takes place during Friend in Need Part 2, after Xena fades with the sunset but before Gabrielle gets on that boat to Egypt. Which means if you haven't seen Friend In Need Part 2, and don't want to be spoiled... DON'T READ THIS FIC!  
  
======================  
  
"After the Sun Set"  
  
Gabrielle was alone on Mount Fuji, helplessly watching the sun setting before her.  
  
Maybe there's still time, Gabrielle prayed. Grasping the urn with still shakey hands, she spun around to face the fountain and began lowering the urn toward the water. The Bard hesitated before the urn made contact, and snapped the urn back to her chest. No, Gabrielle scolded herself. She doesn't want to be brought back. Gabrielle collapsed to the snowy ground, her legs twisted beneath her, and sobbed.  
  
********************  
  
The Samurai lay still on the cold ground. The Samurai flinched as he lifted himself to his elbows. Every muscle in his body ached, and his head exploded with every new stab of pain. He forced his hand to touch his forehead, groaning as his stiff fingers stumbled across the gash made by that round sword. Then the Samurai remembered that blonde girl, the Warrior's companion. Three times before she had bested him in battle, never giving him an honorable end. A scowl twisted the man's face as he heard footsteps in the distance behind him. He recognized the steps. Light and tempered yet determined and steady.  
  
The Samurai searched for his katana, spotted it laying in the distance to his left.  
  
********************  
  
Gabrielle plod forward. She had spent nearly an hour sobbing, and wanted to waste no more time in this awful place.  
  
Something grabbed hold of Gabrielle ankle, cackling as it pulled her to the ground. She flew forward, the urn tossed out of her hands. Gabrielle yelped as she watched the urn tumble down the clearing, and heaved a sigh of relief when it landed safely in a patch of melting snow. She reached for the chakrum, but found nothing. "Damnit!" She cursed, realizing she had forgotten to secure it when she left the fountain. Gabrielle shook her ankle free and flipped herself onto her back, scurrying backward when she saw her attacker.  
  
"You're--"  
  
"Going to kill you with my bare hands!" The Samurai sneered, struggling to his feet. He held the chakrum in his shaking hand. "You should have cut off my head when I asked you to," the Samurai spat.  
  
Gabrielle frantically searched for rocks, twigs--anything she could use as a weapon. A glint of sunlight in the distance caught her eye. Gabrielle snapped to her feet, having spotted the Samurai's katana, and raced forward. The Samurai stumbled after her, collapsing to his knees in the attempt. Gabrielle snatched the katana from the ground, spun on her heel, and eyed the feeble Samurai wobbling on his knees.  
  
"You don't even know how to use the katana," the Samurai laughed as he clumsily pitched the chakrum. It flew straight into the sky and bounded straight to the ground, safely rolling on its edge toward the Bard.  
  
"Better than you know how to use a chakrum," Gabrielle smirked. She caught the chakrum on her toe and kicked it a pace behind her, never taking her eyes off the fallen warrior. Gabrielle marched forward and kicked the lumbering Samurai to his back. Pinning him to the ground with her foot, she raised the katana above her head, pointing the blade downward. She hesitated under the weight of the sword.  
  
"When you were walking past me," the Samurai began. "You looked like your dark-haired friend before I killed her. She didn't even see me standing before her, didn't even see my katana as it took my prize off her body!"  
  
Gabrielle's eyes blazed and her face twisted. Again she was reminded of Xena's mutilated corpse. She roared as she plunged the katana into the Samurai's chest. Gabrielle collapsed to the ground, weakened by the release and woozy at the sight of the blood spurting out of the Samurai's chest.  
  
Gabrielle cautiously rose to her feet. She stared at the man and watched as his last breath was released. "You just never learn, do you?" Gabrielle shook her head in disbelief, standing over the warrior. "What a waste," she spat, yanking the katana out of the man's chest and hurling it aside.  
  
Gabrielle retrieved the chakrum, rescued the urn, and stalked down the mountain.  
  
**********************  
  
Yuka caught a glimpse of the flaxen-haired stranger from her bedroom window. She bounded outside, anxious to welcome the beautiful bard back to Higuchi.  
  
"Slow down, child!" Yuka's grandmother admonished as she was pushed aside. She angrilly picked up the bag of rice that had fallen out of her hands, grumbling under her breath and shaking her head in dismay.  
  
Yuka joined the small crowd outside, gathered in the road to welcome the return of their champion's companion.  
  
Murmors swept through the crowd like gusts of wind as the blonde stranger drew closer. Yuka lifted herself onto her tip toes to see over the shoulders of the man in front of her.  
  
Gabrielle's green eyes coldy tore through the crowd and focussed on the temple behind them. Her face was dark and stained with tears.  
  
Yuka's brow furrowed. Gone was the blonde's ready smile. She was clutching an urn to her chest, and the warrior's round weapon as hitled at her side. Blood and dirt stained the blue silk robes she wore.  
  
"Move," Gabrielle snarled. One by one, the villagers shuffled aside.  
  
Yuka watched the flaxen-haired stranger trudge toward the temple, her cropped blonde hair whipping and twisting in the howling wind.  
  
**********************   
  
Gabrielle stormed into the temple, and found that nothing had been moved. The sacred Katana was still rested in its hilt on the alter, behind the statute of The Honorable Samurai. It was as if nothing had changed since she and Xena first landed here.  
  
Gabrielle knelt on the floor, opposite where she had found Xena kneeling. She reverently placed the urn in front of her.  
  
"You're really gone this time, aren't you?" Gabrielle paused, hoping for a response. An appearance of Xena. A sign of some sort that her friend still existed, somewhere.  
  
"Well," her shoulders fell. "If you think I'm gonna thrash things around, screaming at the injustice of your death and sobbing in my grief, you're wrong." The Bard coldy informed. "This is what you wanted. There is no reason to grieve."  
  
Gabrielle paused, sorting her thoughts as she filled her lungs with the sandalwood incense.  
  
"You had a choice, Xena. I could have brought you back. I would have brought you back. But you told me not to. You just left me," her voice broke. "For whatever reason you thought you had, you just left. And I will never forgive you."  
  
Gabrielle took a deep breath, blinking the stinging tears away.  
  
"What about your daughter, Xena? Did you think about her? You didn't even give her a chance to say goodbye. You abandonned Eve, just like you abandonned Solan," the Bard spat. "And now I have to tell your daughter that her mother is dead. What was the point of every sacrifice we made for Eve if you didn't even love her enough to tell her goodbye?"  
  
Gabrielle's chest felt tight as she relived her last moments with Xena on Mount Fuji. Her heartbeat quickened and Gabrielle's arms felt weak and lifeless. Hot tears escaped from her emerald eyes.  
  
"You didn't want to face your past, so you just gave up," Gabrielle grew angrier with every word she spoke. "I can't forgive that, Xena. You fought to redeem yourself every day that I've known you. And then you learn of one more mistake from your past and you're ready to surrender to vengence. The proud 'Warrior Princess' was murdered by her own guilt!" Gabrielle shouted. "You lied to me about what you were doing, sending me and the reinforcements safely out of danger while you single-handedly faced an army of thousands. Were you that proud, Xena, that you thought you could take them all? Or were you just that stupid?"  
  
Gabrielle's voice echoed within the temple. She flinched. "And now this is what we've been reduced to," Gabrielle finished. "Here I sit, screaming at an urn, full of your ashes. Well," Gabrielle huffed. "Not anymore. You left me behind, and now I'm leaving you."  
  
The Bard rose to her feet and stepped towards the temple doors, hesitating. She spun on her heel and once more faced the urn. "Your ashes will go to Amphipolis, as you wished," Gabrielle hoarsely amended, as she retrieved the urn. "But once I'm rid of your ashes, it's over. I don't want you near me ever again. Not even as a ghost!" Gabrielle spat.  
  
Gabrielle stormed out of the temple, and was faced with the same crowd of villagers from the road. Their eyes were round with wonder, some whispering to others beside them.  
  
"Your ancestors wanted her dead, and now she is. Enjoy your triumph, you pathetic wretches. May you all rot in Hell," Gabrielle cursed as she stomped past the crowd.  
  
**********************   
  
Gabrielle was happy to be back in her familiar red velvet clothes. She set up camp in the forest, near the clearing where she first saw Xena's bloody chakram. It would at least be quiet, she reasoned. She'd be able to hear anyone coming towards her while she slept.  
  
She reached into her travel sack and pulled out her quill and a scroll.  
  
Dearest Eve,  
  
Japa was everything you said it would be. Beautiful, mysterious, and steeped in tradition. I trust things in Chin have gone well and that you found it to be everything we had told you it was.   
  
Your mother and I received your note about Egypt and were sadenned to hear of the persecution of the Elites. We are heading there at first light and hope we can help.   
  
There is something I need to tell you, Eve. Please join your mother and I in Egypt. We will wait for you there.  
  
-G  
  
Gabrielle read the note over, satisfied that there was no hint of what news lie ahead for Eve. "No one should have to read about their mother's death," Gabrielle grumbled as she folded the parchment. She made a mental note to find a courier in the morning.  
  
The Bard slowly reclined on the ground, staring at the fire burning in front of her. She was tired, and knew that sleep would be a necessary evil tonight.  
  
Gabrielle's eyes glassily focussed on the dancing flames in front of her as she drifted into a light, dreamless sleep.  
  
**********************  
  
Gabrielle took a deep breath as she stood on the dock. A rough night of unwelcome dreams, and a long search for a courier, drained any energy she may otherwise have been able to muster. Now she was faced with Xena's ship, anchored miles out in the sea. "Well, that was smart of you, Xena," the Bard scolded. "Just how were you planning to get back to the boat?"  
  
"Same way the fishes do," a familiar voice teased. "Unless you can think of something better?"  
  
Gabrielle refused to turn around, closed her eyes and letting her head hang down. "You're not real, you're just my imagination. Or worse."  
  
"I'm really here with you, Gabrielle." Xena promised. "Just not on the same plain of exist--"  
  
"What kind of nonsense is that?" Gabrielle interrupted, spinning on her heels. "You're dead. You're not "really" standing here, Xena. I can't "really" talk to you anymore than I could "really" touch you right now! All you are is a figment of my overtired imagination," Gabrielle's voice quieted. "And I'm arguing with you."  
  
"Gabrielle, I know you're upset," Xena offered.  
  
"Well then you know there's nothing you can do to make it go away," Gabrielle turned her back to Xena. "Is this supposed to be helping me?" She snapped.  
  
"Gab--"  
  
"Don't you 'Gabrielle' me, Xena!" The Bard spun back around to face Xena. "You left me. You just left me!" Gabrielle frantically shouted. "And for what? You call it a sacrifice? You call it redemption? I call it suicide!" And I hate you for it, Xena. I hate you. Now get away from me and don't ever come near me again!"  
  
Xena stood, silent, watching the Bard fling her arms and stomp with her angry words. She knew Gabrielle was hurting, and if being angry with her--even hating her--made the hurt easier for Gabrielle to carry, Xena saw no reason to stop it.  
  
Turning again to face the ocean, arms replaced firmly on her hips, Gabrielle clenched her jaw and organized her thoughts.  
  
"There's a rowboat under the dock," Xena informed.  
  
Gabrielle raised her eyebrow, refusing to vocally acknowledge her gratitude.  
  
"I'm here, Gabrielle. Whenever you need me."  
  
"I don't need you," Gabrielle snarled. "What need would I have for a warrior ghost?"  
  
Gabrielle marched off the dock as Xena faded in a gentle breeze, shaking her head.  
  
**********************  
  
Gabrielle sat still in the hammock, every muscle in her body weary from the last few days. She had really pushed her body rowing out from the dock. Gabrielle then spent the better part of the day lowering the sails and raising the angcor--a job Xena never seemed to have any trouble with alone, but one which taxed Gabrielle even more than the nauseating ripples and waves of the sea.  
  
She wasn't used to manning a boat alone. And she wasn't used to sleeping alone.  
  
Gabrielle gripped the edge of the hammock with sweaty hands. She felt the boat rock back and forth with the ocean's waves. Her stomach churned. She was seasick. Several years ago, Xena had taught her a pressure point, located on her wrist, that Gabrielle knew would rid her now of the clenching churning in her stomach. Somehow tonight, though, the nausea offered comfort to the Bard. As long as I'm vomiting, Gabrielle reasoned, I'm not thinking of her. And if I don't think of her, I won't see her everywhere I look.  
  
Gabrielle carefully reclined on the hammock and closed her eyes. She was restless, her stomach was queezy, and the silence in the cabin was unsettling. Gabrielle had taken for granted the comforting sounds of another person's shallow snores. They had been there since she was a child. First they were offered from her sister, Lilla. And then from Xena.  
  
Gabrielle huffed, angry with herself for yet again thinking of the Warrior Princess. She tossed her body and turned onto her right side in the hammock.  
  
Looking through the cabin window opposite her, Gabrielle began tracing the stars outside into shapes with her finger. "That's one's a dipper," she informed the cabin. "And this one's a bear," she grinned. "I suppose Xena would see swords and chakrams..." Gabrielle posited with a raised eyebrow. Gabrielle's face fell again. She closed her eyes, heaved a sigh, and then returned to her star gazing, letting her mind wander.  
  
************************  
  
Dreams are funny little creatures, Gabrielle thought to herself. You can know you're having one, and yet be powerful to stop it. You just sort of sit there, watching people act and speak and sometimes you watch yourself. But you can't stop it.  
  
Gabrielle saw herself lying helpless, a poisoned arrow having pierced her left shoulder. The Persian soldiers were mere paces away, camping for the night, and Gabrielle was slowly dying from the poison of one of their arrows. At first light, the Persions would continue their march on Athens if Xena didn't stop them. But Gabrielle was paralyzed and could barely breathe, and the Warrior Princess simply refused to leave the Bard. She and Gabrielle had argued about what their next step should be. Xena wanted to go to Thessaly, where they would surely have an antidote to the poision. Gabrielle refused, commanding Xena to intercede the Persians before their march on Athens began.  
  
"Do you remember this, Gabrielle?"  
  
Gabrielle let her gaze fall as she heard Xena's dulcet voice.  
  
"It wasn't that I wanted to die, Xena." Gabrielle began. "I wanted to tell you to forget about standing and fighting and the Greater Good, to take me away from that barn and let me stay by your side forever."  
  
"But you didn't. What stopped you?"  
  
"The Athenian army would have been no match for the massive assault from the Persians. I knew that," Gabrielle explained. "A warning would take time the Persians would not offer. Too many innocent lives were at stake. I was only one person, and I figured that I'd have to die sometime--all people do. It was simply better to do so when it could help others."  
  
"Even if it meant hurting people you loved? Who loved you?"  
  
Gabrielle took a deep and shaky breath. "Eventually, the people I left behind would understand the sacrifice."  
  
Gabrielle watched helplessly as the barn faded away and was replaced by Mount Fuji. She saw herself holding the urn was in her hands, dangerously close to the fountain's water. Her quest to resurrect Xena was nearly complete, but her friend had stopped her.  
  
"Why didn't you disobey me? What kept you from keeping the urn out of the water?"  
  
The scene on Mount Fugi had faded into a mist, and Gabrielle was surrounded by only the star-filled night sky and Xena.  
  
"You," Gabrielle answered with an unsteady voice. "You told me you didn't want to be brought back."  
  
"No, I told you I couldn't be brought back, that to do so would mean suffereing for far too many people."  
  
Gabrielle saw it again in Xena's eyes: the serenity that was there when she told Gabrielle not to bring her back.  
  
"Its not that I wanted to die," Xena continued. "It was that I didn't want anyone else to suffer if I could do something to stop it."  
  
"Xena, this isn't right!"  
  
Xena placed a finger on Gabrielle's quivering lips. "Do you understand why I took you back to that barn?"  
  
"Yes," Gabrielle seethed. "You wanted to remind me of what I was willing to sacrifice for the Greater Good."  
  
"And what else?"  
  
"That's different, Xena. I would have died to save innocent people. You died to free the souls of the people who tried to kill you. The world is better served with you in it."  
  
"Gabrielle, there were only a handful of people actually attacking me. The fire I started had spread through the entire village, without a second of my thoughts. The innocents who died far outnumbered those who attacked me. It was for their redemption that I stopped you from bringing me back. They'd be in limbo for eternity if they were not avenged."  
  
"But I could have saved you," Gabrielle sobbed. "We could have found another way!"  
  
"And then those innocent souls would have remained in torment until -- if -- we did."  
  
Xena took Gabrielle into her arms, and held the sobbing Bard to her chest, stroking her silky blonde hair. Gabrielle's sobs increased in ferocity at the memory of her friend's touch--a touch she'd never feel again.  
  
"Gabrielle, you gave me more happiness than I ever dreamed I deserved. You taught me everything I know about what's right and the Greater Good. Before I met you, I struggled to find my way, always seeming to pick the wrong path. But you guided me to the right path. You accepted me when no one else did and you defended me when no one else would. You're my champion."  
  
"It's only been a few of days, and I already miss you more than I can bear!" Gabrielle whispered, desperately holding onto Xena.  
  
"We're soul mates, Gabrielle. We'll meet again. Until then, I'm always just a thought away."  
  
"I love you, Xena," Gabrielle sobbed.  
  
Xena held the Bard to her chest. "I love you too." Xena leaned forward and kissed Gabrielle.  
  
***************************  
  
The sun gently warmed Gabrielle. Gabrielle sat up on the hammock, rubbing her still sleepy eyes and yawning the last remnants of her dream.  
  
Her dream. Gabrielle smiled wistfully.  
  
Gabrielle groggily rose to her feet, stretching her tight back and neck muscles awake. She eyed her travel sack, nested safely in the corner of the cabin, and felt a twinge of sadness. Gabrielle reached into her sack and retrieved the urn. "I need to give you a proper eulogy," Gabrielle informed the urn.  
  
Gabrielle stepped to the side of the boat, taking in a healthy breath of sea air, and began. "A lifetime of journeying has brought you to the farthest lands, to the very edges of the earth..."  
  
============================  
  
This is BY NO MEANS a finished product and CONSTRUCTIVE REVIEWS are not only welcome, but requested. 


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